5 QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER WHEN LIVING WITH A SERIOUS ILLNESS

April 3, 2023

April 16th is National Healthcare Decisions Day (NHDD). National Healthcare Decisions Day exists to inspire, educate and empower the public and providers about the importance of advance care planning. It is a day dedicated to helping everyone talk about and plan for important healthcare decisions.

 

These conversations are important for many reasons, there may come a time when you are unable to speak for yourself and become unable to make important decisions regarding your healthcare wishes. Not having your wishes known puts a difficult and emotional strain on your loved ones as they try to decide what you would have wanted. Physicians are left in the dark with no guidance on how to respect your wishes.

 

An important topic that Ascend Hospice encourages you to include in your planning are conversations on what would matter to you if you are living with a serious life-limiting illness. Sharing  your wishes, preferences and goals with your loved ones and healthcare providers will help ensure you receive the care you want. 

 

Here’s 5 questions to consider when living with a serious illness


1.  How much medical treatment am I willing to undertake to extend my life?

Consider which is more important, more time or more quality of life. Do you want physicians to do everything possible to extend your life even at the cost of quality of life?

 

2.  Who do I want to be involved in my medical decisions?

Consider who you want to be involved in medical decisions. It will be important to name someone who can make medical decisions for you, if you cannot in the future. Having someone close to you travel this journey with you will provide much needed comfort, support and even advocacy to ensure your wishes. But remember, what you share and what your healthcare team shares is up to you. If a loved one accompanies you on doctor visits let your providers know what they can and cannot speak about in front of them.

3.
 How do I want others to treat me?

Often people decide not to share their serious illness with others because they do not want to be treated differently. It can help to be honest with others and share how you want to be treated. Do you prefer not making your illness the center of conversation? Do you feel people care more when they ask about how you are doing? Do you want others to give advice, information and share resources? Do you simply want everyone to stop sharing what they found on Google? Do you want people praying for you? Do you prefer to be treated as if you are not living with a serious illness or do you find comfort in others' concerns, expressions of love and offers of support?

 

4.  What do you want for the future?

Think about what you do want, and what you do not want. Examples might include: I want to be comfortable and free of pain, I want to be surrounded by loved ones, I want to focus on quality of life, I want to be at peace spiritually, I want to pass at home.


Also think about what you do not want to happen. Examples might include: I don’t want to pass in a hospital, I don’t want to be in the ICU, I don’t want aggressive treatment, I don’t want to keep going to the ER, I don’t want to be in a lot of pain, I don’t want my family burdened by decisions.

 

5.  What are your sources of hope, strength, comfort and peace?

Living with serious illness is also an emotional journey, especially at the end of life. At the end of life people often reflect. You may have questions about the meaning of life and begin to think about your spiritual needs in new ways. Spiritual support can greatly enhance your wellbeing.

 

Making your wishes known is important and empowering. It is important to educate yourself on available healthcare options while you are living with a serious illness. But it's also important, even if you are currently healthy, to consider what you would want in the future if you were diagnosed with a serious illness. Planning ahead helps ensure that you or your loved ones won't be tasked with making decisions during a time that is already stressful and unsettling. Many people don’t fully understand options like hospice or palliative care that focus on reducing symptoms and increasing quality of life.

 

Explore our website and care support options to gain insights on choices that can help you live with illness today and help guide your decisions for the future.


June 30, 2025
A few months ago, beloved actor Gene Hackman and his wife, Betsy Arakawa, were found deceased in their New Mexico home. Investigators believe Arakawa passed away first—possibly up to a week before Hackman. Shortly before her death, she had reached out to a local clinic . Later, Hackman’s pacemaker data helped confirm the timeline of his own passing. The medical examiner determined that Arakawa died from hantavirus pulmonary syndrome , a rare and dangerous respiratory illness transmitted by rodents. Hackman died from advanced heart disease , with Alzheimer’s disease contributing to his decline. Experts suggest that his cognitive impairment likely prevented him from recognizing Arakawa’s death—or, if he did realize it, he may have experienced confusion, heartbreak, and helplessness before ultimately passing away himself. We may consider Gene Hackman’s last role to be his final lesson, a wake-up call for caregivers and families. It’s a profoundly tragic story—one that reflects a reality many families quietly face. As our loved ones age, especially when one becomes the caregiver, a sudden health crisis can leave the other stranded in a dangerous situation. What Can We Learn? This heartbreaking story offers more than grief—it offers perspective. It’s a reminder to be proactive, observant, and involved in the lives of aging loved ones. Here’s ways we can help. 1. Know the Conditions Affecting Your Loved Ones In Hackman’s case, the central health challenges were heart disease and Alzheimer’s. Recognizing the signs of heart trouble—chest pain, fatigue, breathlessness—and understanding how dementia can mask or confuse those symptoms is critical. 2. Caregivers Need Care Too When the caregiver goes down, the one who relies on them is suddenly exposed. Arakawa’s sudden illness likely left Hackman alone, disoriented, and unable to seek help. Caregivers often suffer in silence, pushing past their limits. Regular check-ins and support for them are just as essential. 3. A Simple Visit Can Save a Life A timely visit from a friend or relative might have changed the outcome. Subtle signs—rodent activity, spoiled food, confusion, hygiene issues—could have triggered help before it was too late. Don’t underestimate the power of simply showing up. What to Watch For: A Family Checklist If you have aging parents, relatives, or friends, here are some key areas to keep an eye on: Physical Health • Sudden weight loss or gain • Bruises, burns, or signs of falls • Unkempt appearance or body odor • Difficulty walking or standing Cognitive & Emotional Well-being • Memory loss or repeating questions • Depression, anxiety, or social withdrawal • Unsafe behavior such as leaving appliances on • Unusual mail or phone activity Home Conditions • Spoiled food, pest presence, or clutter • Safety hazards (dim lighting, loose rugs) • Appliances or plumbing not working Nutrition & Kitchen Safety • Expired food or low food supply • Dirty or neglected kitchen tools • Avoiding cooking altogether Medication Compliance • Confused about medications or missed doses • Expired or improperly labeled prescriptions Social Interaction • Isolation or reluctance to leave the house • Loss of interest in hobbies or community involvement Financial Awareness • Unpaid bills or unopened mail • Signs of financial exploitation or scams Tech & Communication • Can they use a phone in an emergency? • Are they responsive to calls or messages? What To Do If You Notice a Problem If you see red flags, don’t panic—but don’t ignore them either. Start with an honest, caring conversation. Explain that your concern comes from love, not judgment. Then, consider next steps: • Schedule a check-up with their doctor • Bring in help, even part-time support • Assess whether the home needs modifications • Explore new living arrangements if necessary Whether it’s weekly dinners, video chats, or simple texts—stay involved–consistent contact keeps you in tune with your loved ones’ needs and builds a safety net they may not even know they need. Final Thought If Gene Hackman’s last role is to serve as a final lesson, it’s a wake-up call for caregivers and families. Gene Hackman’s final days are a sobering reminder: Don’t wait until something goes wrong. Aging can be beautiful—but it also comes with risk, especially in solitude. Let this story motivate you to reconnect, check in, and truly see how your loved ones are doing. Additional Resources: Learn more about Congestive Heart Failure: https://www.ascendhealth.com/caring-for-a-loved-one-with-chf-this-summer https://www.ascendhealth.com/caring-for-a-loved-one-with-chf Learn more about dementia and Alzheimer’s disease: https://www.ascendhealth.com/alzheimers-caregiving-7-signs-its-time-for-extra-support https://www.ascendhealth.com/coping-with-alzheimers-anxiety-and-depression Need a health or safety assessment for a loved one? Contact Us or call today.
May 27, 2025
Honoring your dad on Father’s Day after he has passed can be a meaningful and healing experience. Here are ten ways to remember and celebrate him: 1 - Wear or Carry Something of His – A watch, a shirt, a piece of jewelry—something that belonged to him can provide comfort and keep his presence close. 2 - Dedicate a Song or Playlist – Create a playlist of songs that remind you of moments you’ve shared together. 3 - Recreate a moment in time – Recreate a favorite memory (fishing trip, movie night, road trip) 4 - Plan a Dad’s night out - plan an outing to one of his favorite places. It could be a restaurant, a game, or simply a scenic spot. 5 - Plan a Dad’s night in - Invite family and friends over to reminisce and serve a buffet of his favorite foods. 6 - Build Something Meaningful - if you’re good with your hands, build something he would have liked. If you’re not you can always buy something like a bird house and mount it outside in his honor or have a memory bear made from some of his favorite clothes. 7 - Frame Something – buy a store-bought frame or go to a frame shop. Frame a quote, his quote or one that he liked. Or frame a photo of one of his favorite things like a sports team photo, a movie scene image, or a favorite athlete or musician. 8 - Create a Video or Slideshow – Gather old photos and videos, and compile them into a slideshow with music that he loved. 9 - Honor His Legacy – Start an interactive tradition in his honor like a family gathering, storytelling night, or community service. 10 - Plant Forget-me-nots in a favorite place or deliver potted Forget-me-nots to others that miss him too. No matter how you choose to honor your dad, focus on the love you have for him and realize and embrace that he loved you. He wouldn’t want you to cry all day, he would want you to smile and remember the good moments. Read also how to survive your first Father’s day without Dad .