Grief at the holidays

December 2, 2024

Losing a loved one is painful and can cast a cloud over everything. Grieving during the holidays can be especially difficult because the season often brings expectations of joy and celebration, which may feel out of reach when you’re mourning. Remember that there is no ‘right way’ to grieve, it’s different for each of us. Here are some suggestions that might help you cope with grief at the holidays.

 

1. Acknowledge your feelings

- Allow yourself to feel what is really there — whether it’s sadness, anger, guilt, or even moments of joy. Grief is unpredictable, and it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions.

- Don’t pressure yourself to feel festive just because it’s the holidays.

 

2. Set boundaries and manage expectations

- It’s okay to say no to events or traditions that feel overwhelming right now.

- Be honest with yourself and others about what you can handle. Some people find comfort in keeping old traditions, while others may prefer to create new ones or skip them entirely this year.

 

3. Find ways to honor the memory of your loved one

- Light a candle, share stories, or set a place at the table in their honor. You could also donate to a charity in their name or participate in an activity they enjoyed.

- Rituals like these can help keep their memory close during a time that might otherwise feel empty without them.

 

4. Reach out for support

- Don’t isolate yourself if you need company. Lean on family, friends, or support groups, and don’t hesitate to talk about your loved one. People around you may not know how to approach the subject, so letting them know what you need can help.

- Professional help from a therapist or grief counselor can be helpful if you're struggling.

 

5. Be gentle with yourself

- Grief can take a lot out of you, both emotionally and physically. Take care of your basic needs: rest, eat, and do things that bring you comfort or peace, even if they're small.

- Give yourself permission to grieve and understand that healing is different for everyone. It doesn’t follow a set timeline.

 

6. Take care of yourself

- Engage in activities that nurture your well-being, whether it’s journaling, taking walks, or practicing mindfulness. Taking moments for yourself is not selfish, it’s necessary for healing.

 

7. Embrace flexibility in traditions

- Some people find that adjusting holiday traditions can help. You might want to simplify celebrations, go to a new place, or make the holiday quieter this year. Allow yourself to redefine what the holidays look like during your grief.

 

8. Plan for hard moments

- Certain moments like opening gifts, seeing certain decorations, or hearing holiday songs can bring a fresh wave of grief. Prepare for these triggers by thinking through what might help you cope when they arise—whether that’s stepping away, leaning on a loved one, or having something to distract you.

 

9. Focus on what you can control

- The holidays can be filled with reminders of your loss, but focusing on small, manageable tasks can help you regain a sense of control. This could be something as simple as planning your day, choosing how you want to spend your time, or deciding who you want to be around.

 

10. Allow yourself moments of joy

- It’s okay to smile, laugh, or find comfort in moments during the holidays, even if you’re grieving. Allow yourself to experience those small joys without guilt—they don’t take away from the love you had for the person who is gone.

 

Coping with grief at the holidays is incredibly personal, and there’s no “right” way to do it. If you're open to it, talking about your loved one or sharing memories can sometimes help keep their spirit alive in the holiday season. Above all, give yourself the grace and space to feel whatever comes naturally.


June 30, 2025
A few months ago, beloved actor Gene Hackman and his wife, Betsy Arakawa, were found deceased in their New Mexico home. Investigators believe Arakawa passed away first—possibly up to a week before Hackman. Shortly before her death, she had reached out to a local clinic . Later, Hackman’s pacemaker data helped confirm the timeline of his own passing. The medical examiner determined that Arakawa died from hantavirus pulmonary syndrome , a rare and dangerous respiratory illness transmitted by rodents. Hackman died from advanced heart disease , with Alzheimer’s disease contributing to his decline. Experts suggest that his cognitive impairment likely prevented him from recognizing Arakawa’s death—or, if he did realize it, he may have experienced confusion, heartbreak, and helplessness before ultimately passing away himself. We may consider Gene Hackman’s last role to be his final lesson, a wake-up call for caregivers and families. It’s a profoundly tragic story—one that reflects a reality many families quietly face. As our loved ones age, especially when one becomes the caregiver, a sudden health crisis can leave the other stranded in a dangerous situation. What Can We Learn? This heartbreaking story offers more than grief—it offers perspective. It’s a reminder to be proactive, observant, and involved in the lives of aging loved ones. Here’s ways we can help. 1. Know the Conditions Affecting Your Loved Ones In Hackman’s case, the central health challenges were heart disease and Alzheimer’s. Recognizing the signs of heart trouble—chest pain, fatigue, breathlessness—and understanding how dementia can mask or confuse those symptoms is critical. 2. Caregivers Need Care Too When the caregiver goes down, the one who relies on them is suddenly exposed. Arakawa’s sudden illness likely left Hackman alone, disoriented, and unable to seek help. Caregivers often suffer in silence, pushing past their limits. Regular check-ins and support for them are just as essential. 3. A Simple Visit Can Save a Life A timely visit from a friend or relative might have changed the outcome. Subtle signs—rodent activity, spoiled food, confusion, hygiene issues—could have triggered help before it was too late. Don’t underestimate the power of simply showing up. What to Watch For: A Family Checklist If you have aging parents, relatives, or friends, here are some key areas to keep an eye on: Physical Health • Sudden weight loss or gain • Bruises, burns, or signs of falls • Unkempt appearance or body odor • Difficulty walking or standing Cognitive & Emotional Well-being • Memory loss or repeating questions • Depression, anxiety, or social withdrawal • Unsafe behavior such as leaving appliances on • Unusual mail or phone activity Home Conditions • Spoiled food, pest presence, or clutter • Safety hazards (dim lighting, loose rugs) • Appliances or plumbing not working Nutrition & Kitchen Safety • Expired food or low food supply • Dirty or neglected kitchen tools • Avoiding cooking altogether Medication Compliance • Confused about medications or missed doses • Expired or improperly labeled prescriptions Social Interaction • Isolation or reluctance to leave the house • Loss of interest in hobbies or community involvement Financial Awareness • Unpaid bills or unopened mail • Signs of financial exploitation or scams Tech & Communication • Can they use a phone in an emergency? • Are they responsive to calls or messages? What To Do If You Notice a Problem If you see red flags, don’t panic—but don’t ignore them either. Start with an honest, caring conversation. Explain that your concern comes from love, not judgment. Then, consider next steps: • Schedule a check-up with their doctor • Bring in help, even part-time support • Assess whether the home needs modifications • Explore new living arrangements if necessary Whether it’s weekly dinners, video chats, or simple texts—stay involved–consistent contact keeps you in tune with your loved ones’ needs and builds a safety net they may not even know they need. Final Thought If Gene Hackman’s last role is to serve as a final lesson, it’s a wake-up call for caregivers and families. Gene Hackman’s final days are a sobering reminder: Don’t wait until something goes wrong. Aging can be beautiful—but it also comes with risk, especially in solitude. Let this story motivate you to reconnect, check in, and truly see how your loved ones are doing. Additional Resources: Learn more about Congestive Heart Failure: https://www.ascendhealth.com/caring-for-a-loved-one-with-chf-this-summer https://www.ascendhealth.com/caring-for-a-loved-one-with-chf Learn more about dementia and Alzheimer’s disease: https://www.ascendhealth.com/alzheimers-caregiving-7-signs-its-time-for-extra-support https://www.ascendhealth.com/coping-with-alzheimers-anxiety-and-depression Need a health or safety assessment for a loved one? Contact Us or call today.
May 27, 2025
Honoring your dad on Father’s Day after he has passed can be a meaningful and healing experience. Here are ten ways to remember and celebrate him: 1 - Wear or Carry Something of His – A watch, a shirt, a piece of jewelry—something that belonged to him can provide comfort and keep his presence close. 2 - Dedicate a Song or Playlist – Create a playlist of songs that remind you of moments you’ve shared together. 3 - Recreate a moment in time – Recreate a favorite memory (fishing trip, movie night, road trip) 4 - Plan a Dad’s night out - plan an outing to one of his favorite places. It could be a restaurant, a game, or simply a scenic spot. 5 - Plan a Dad’s night in - Invite family and friends over to reminisce and serve a buffet of his favorite foods. 6 - Build Something Meaningful - if you’re good with your hands, build something he would have liked. If you’re not you can always buy something like a bird house and mount it outside in his honor or have a memory bear made from some of his favorite clothes. 7 - Frame Something – buy a store-bought frame or go to a frame shop. Frame a quote, his quote or one that he liked. Or frame a photo of one of his favorite things like a sports team photo, a movie scene image, or a favorite athlete or musician. 8 - Create a Video or Slideshow – Gather old photos and videos, and compile them into a slideshow with music that he loved. 9 - Honor His Legacy – Start an interactive tradition in his honor like a family gathering, storytelling night, or community service. 10 - Plant Forget-me-nots in a favorite place or deliver potted Forget-me-nots to others that miss him too. No matter how you choose to honor your dad, focus on the love you have for him and realize and embrace that he loved you. He wouldn’t want you to cry all day, he would want you to smile and remember the good moments. Read also how to survive your first Father’s day without Dad .