COPING WITH A LIFE LIMITING ILLNESS

June 30, 2023

When diagnosed with a life threatening illness our world shifts. Time becomes thought of ‘before’ the illness to ‘after the news.’ Your world feels as if it’s been thrown off kilter, and spinning out of control. You may feel completely lost, like swimming in a deep ocean where you can’t see the shore. But there are ways to learn to cope with the emotional distress, regain a sense of control and preserve your quality of life. It’s important to realize that you are not powerless. There are ways to help you cope with the stress, fear, hopelessness, anger and sense of having no control over your life. Learning coping techniques can help you navigate these difficult emotions and find a way forward. In this blog we share techniques for coping with a life limiting illness.


  1. Understand Your Emotions. Many of us are taught that emotions like fear, anger, and depression are a negative reflection on ourselves and should be avoided. But when living with a life threatening illness these emotions are normal and even expected. Understanding and acknowledging your emotions, rather than denying them, will be important to your ability to live better with your illness. By accepting your emotions you can learn coping techniques to help move past these unsettling feelings, where repressing them will simply allow them to build and potentially become overwhelming. Allowing yourself to feel what you feel, exploring why you feel this way will let the emotion pass. Talk to your physician about coping techniques like meditation, or taking a deep breath and becoming grounded in what’s around you - what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. Learning that you can overcome difficult emotions will help you feel less overwhelmed by them next time.
  2. Accept The Uncertainty. When you’re diagnosed with a potentially life-limiting illness you feel like you are living with a lot of uncertainty. It is so easy to get stuck focusing on the “what if’s”. Learning to know how to deal with the uncertainty of your future can feel impossible and overwhelming. How do you possibly move forward when worrying about what might happen? You move ​​forward by focusing on today, on the now. Worrying about what might happen won’t give you more predictability about your future or any more control. But it will most certainly rob you of today and the good things you are still able to enjoy. Focus on the present.
  3. Let Others Uplift You. Living with a life-limiting illness can feel isolating. It’s easy to feel like no one will really understand because they are not living it. You should not carry this burden alone. Social support helps us feel less helpless in general and especially when battling illness.  There is an abundance of evidence suggesting social support is linked with lower depression1, lower anxiety, and lower hopelessness levels among depressed patients2. Social support enhances quality of life and provides a buffer against adverse life events. Find a few, or even one, family member or friend you can confide in and lean on. Let others uplift you during this very difficult journey. 
  4. Be Gentle To Yourself. Our self image can easily crumble when dealing with a serious illness. Your image of yourself may change. You may have considered yourself strong, brave, and fearless before your diagnosis. You may feel you are not a whole person anymore, but have become lessened by the conditions of your illness. Realize that you are learning to deal with a new normal, one that may have been completely out of the blue and unexpected. Our character is built from our past experiences, challenges and adversities that we’ve handled in life. It becomes our roadmap for life. But this is all new, it is like nothing you have experienced before. It will take time to learn to adjust, so be gentle with yourself if you feel you are not as strong or brave or fearless as you were. You will learn to live with your illness and adjust to your new normal, you will find your way back to yourself.
  5. Find New Joy. Reconnecting to what brings you meaning, purpose and joy will also help you feel less defined by your illness. Embracing what gives your life meaning will help you regain the sense of self and purpose that you may feel you have lost. If you cannot enjoy some of the activities you once loved because of your medical condition, you can still find pastimes that will enrich your life. Explore new hobbies or new experiences - nature, the arts, crafting, writing, baking, or even volunteering. Find something that will nourish your soul.

 

When life expectancy becomes limited, our hospice team offers comfort and care at a most sensitive time. We encourage patients to strengthen connections, have important conversations and embrace the time spent with loved ones during the transition to this important stage. Our personalized holistic approach to hospice care includes relief of pain and symptoms, as well as emotional and spiritual support for patients and their loved ones. Coping with a life threatening illness may be difficult, but you don’t have to do it alone. We hope these techniques will help, and remember, reaching out for help can make a world of difference.

 

1 - Social support and protection from depression: systematic review of current findings in Western countries. Published online by Cambridge University Press: 02 January 2018

2 - The Importance of Social Support in Mental Health, BENSON MUNYAN, PH.D., July 16, 2021


August 28, 2025
How can we increase the level of cooperation we get from a loved one coping with dementia? A loved one with dementia may resist simple routines that we, as caregivers, need for them to complete so they can maintain proper hygiene or enable us to run a household. It may be a simple task, like taking a shower or getting dressed - or brushing their teeth before they go to bed. A good way to start is to recognize that we are about to face a challenge . Like any challenge we face, it’s best to get ready before we begin. Be prepared! Gather everything that will be needed to complete the task and arrange those things in the order that they’ll be needed. Be sure to have everything at hand that will be needed when the task is completed. For instance, are we brushing our teeth in the morning? Have the bathing set up as the next task or be ready to dress and go to the dining table. Have patience, remember that this will take longer than normal. Budgeting more time will reduce your own stress, and that is key in reducing theirs. Remember, they are cognitively disabled . It’s frequently not that they’re resisting your instructions, it’s simply that they are having difficulty processing them - it will take them longer to understand and cooperate than normal. One of our biggest goals is to avoid making them feel pressured, rushed or agitated . Maintaining this level of structure will be comforting to your loved one and will decrease confusion and stress. It will also reduce distractions that might be inadvertently introduced by being less than organized. We may be doing something simple, but it’s no longer simple to a loved one suffering from dementia. Have you ever assembled a piece of furniture from IKEA? Keep that in mind – you needed step by step instructions. Did they always make sense as you progressed? Nope. Did you ever get frustrated? You bet. This is the same thing. Give them simple steps, one step at a time . Think from a new perspective. “Let’s go brush our teeth,” doesn’t really lead them to beginning or completion. How about: 1 - let’s go to the bathroom 2 - can you stand in front of the sink? 3 - let’s rinse your toothbrush - we need to make sure it’s clean! 4 - perhaps try doing your own side by side as an example 5 - can you open the toothpaste now? 6 - squeeze a line of toothpaste onto your brush, like this, see? 7 - now, put the toothbrush into your mouth, brush like I’m doing 8 - top now - left side, center, now on the right - inside, like this 9 - bottom now - left side, center, now on the right - inside, like this 10 - now, we’re almost done. Take your brush and rinse it 11 - put the brush back into the holder 12 - put some water in the cup 13 - now just rinse your mouth 14 - spit the water back into the sink Try to let them do as much on their own as possible. It will build confidence and reduce their stress, step in and help as needed. You’ll see for yourself how deeply you need to break down tasks and learn from their responses when to help, praise or comfort. Try not to take over and do steps for them when they may be able to complete the step themselves. If they are able, that may convey impatience. We’re trying to encourage a sense of competency and autonomy - even if a step is not taken perfectly. To learn more about dementia and Alzheimer’s disease follow these links. 1 - https://www.ascendhealth.com/coping-with-alzheimers-anxiety-and-depression 2 - https://www.ascendhealth.com/alzheimers-caregiving-7-signs-its-time-for-extra-support 3 - creating dementia-friendly documents https://bit.ly/3H9g6WD Our teams offer specialized care for those living with end-stage dementia and Alzheimer’s. Our supportive team focuses on improving quality of life and easing the distressing burdens of Alzheimer’s and related dementias. Learn more about how we can help bring comfort and support by reaching out to a member of our compassionate team.
June 30, 2025
A few months ago, beloved actor Gene Hackman and his wife, Betsy Arakawa, were found deceased in their New Mexico home. Investigators believe Arakawa passed away first—possibly up to a week before Hackman. Shortly before her death, she had reached out to a local clinic . Later, Hackman’s pacemaker data helped confirm the timeline of his own passing. The medical examiner determined that Arakawa died from hantavirus pulmonary syndrome , a rare and dangerous respiratory illness transmitted by rodents. Hackman died from advanced heart disease , with Alzheimer’s disease contributing to his decline. Experts suggest that his cognitive impairment likely prevented him from recognizing Arakawa’s death—or, if he did realize it, he may have experienced confusion, heartbreak, and helplessness before ultimately passing away himself. We may consider Gene Hackman’s last role to be his final lesson, a wake-up call for caregivers and families. It’s a profoundly tragic story—one that reflects a reality many families quietly face. As our loved ones age, especially when one becomes the caregiver, a sudden health crisis can leave the other stranded in a dangerous situation. What Can We Learn? This heartbreaking story offers more than grief—it offers perspective. It’s a reminder to be proactive, observant, and involved in the lives of aging loved ones. Here’s ways we can help. 1. Know the Conditions Affecting Your Loved Ones In Hackman’s case, the central health challenges were heart disease and Alzheimer’s. Recognizing the signs of heart trouble—chest pain, fatigue, breathlessness—and understanding how dementia can mask or confuse those symptoms is critical. 2. Caregivers Need Care Too When the caregiver goes down, the one who relies on them is suddenly exposed. Arakawa’s sudden illness likely left Hackman alone, disoriented, and unable to seek help. Caregivers often suffer in silence, pushing past their limits. Regular check-ins and support for them are just as essential. 3. A Simple Visit Can Save a Life A timely visit from a friend or relative might have changed the outcome. Subtle signs—rodent activity, spoiled food, confusion, hygiene issues—could have triggered help before it was too late. Don’t underestimate the power of simply showing up. What to Watch For: A Family Checklist If you have aging parents, relatives, or friends, here are some key areas to keep an eye on: Physical Health • Sudden weight loss or gain • Bruises, burns, or signs of falls • Unkempt appearance or body odor • Difficulty walking or standing Cognitive & Emotional Well-being • Memory loss or repeating questions • Depression, anxiety, or social withdrawal • Unsafe behavior such as leaving appliances on • Unusual mail or phone activity Home Conditions • Spoiled food, pest presence, or clutter • Safety hazards (dim lighting, loose rugs) • Appliances or plumbing not working Nutrition & Kitchen Safety • Expired food or low food supply • Dirty or neglected kitchen tools • Avoiding cooking altogether Medication Compliance • Confused about medications or missed doses • Expired or improperly labeled prescriptions Social Interaction • Isolation or reluctance to leave the house • Loss of interest in hobbies or community involvement Financial Awareness • Unpaid bills or unopened mail • Signs of financial exploitation or scams Tech & Communication • Can they use a phone in an emergency? • Are they responsive to calls or messages? What To Do If You Notice a Problem If you see red flags, don’t panic—but don’t ignore them either. Start with an honest, caring conversation. Explain that your concern comes from love, not judgment. Then, consider next steps: • Schedule a check-up with their doctor • Bring in help, even part-time support • Assess whether the home needs modifications • Explore new living arrangements if necessary Whether it’s weekly dinners, video chats, or simple texts—stay involved–consistent contact keeps you in tune with your loved ones’ needs and builds a safety net they may not even know they need. Final Thought If Gene Hackman’s last role is to serve as a final lesson, it’s a wake-up call for caregivers and families. Gene Hackman’s final days are a sobering reminder: Don’t wait until something goes wrong. Aging can be beautiful—but it also comes with risk, especially in solitude. Let this story motivate you to reconnect, check in, and truly see how your loved ones are doing. Additional Resources: Learn more about Congestive Heart Failure: https://www.ascendhealth.com/caring-for-a-loved-one-with-chf-this-summer https://www.ascendhealth.com/caring-for-a-loved-one-with-chf Learn more about dementia and Alzheimer’s disease: https://www.ascendhealth.com/alzheimers-caregiving-7-signs-its-time-for-extra-support https://www.ascendhealth.com/coping-with-alzheimers-anxiety-and-depression Need a health or safety assessment for a loved one? Contact Us or call today.