SPENDING THE FIRST FATHER’S DAY WITHOUT DAD. 5 TIPS ON HOW TO SURVIVE.

May 15, 2023

If you’ve lost a parent it's normal to feel apprehension and even dread as holidays like Father’s Day approach. That first Father’s Day without your dad can intensify your loss. If dad was a grounding force in your life you can feel untethered and isolated. You’re likely to feel unsure how to navigate a day that’s dedicated to celebrating someone no longer with you.There’s no magic way to make this day easy. But we hope sharing 5 tips on how to survive can help you feel empowered to find your way.

 

  1. Feel Fully. It’s OK to let yourself fully experience what you are feeling. Feelings of sadness, anger, wanting and pain are normal and expected. Don’t judge yourself or feel like you’re letting anyone down. Give yourself permission to feel the way you do. If you can sit with these feelings, acknowledge them and accept them, then you will have more power to be comfortable with these very human emotions.
  2. Celebrate A Positive Male Role Model. Celebrating another male role model in your life can bring you comfort and help you feel less untethered. Celebrating what someone else has meant to you can bring joy and remind you that love and support still surrounds you.
  3. Focus On Happy Memories. Memories are where your father can continue to live long after his passing. Memories of happier times remind us of the joy and love he had in his life. Memories can also help us process loss. Remembrance can help you refocus on gratitude for the time you had with him in your life. Gratitude is powerful. When you are able to look with gratitude on the wonderful memories of the past and the coming memories of tomorrow with others you love, you can begin to heal.
  4. Spend Time With Others. Spending time with others who loved him can make you feel his presence. Ask others to share their favorite memories or stories of your dad. You may learn new things about your father’s life and gain new memories to hold close. Seeing what he meant to others can help you realize he is not really gone, he also lives in the hearts and minds of all of you.
  5. Distract Yourself. It’s OK to completely skip Father’s Day. When nothing else feels right, plan an activity to distract yourself. Plan something that will help occupy your mind and help you escape the day. Go out of town to explore someplace new, plan an adventure you have never done before, treat yourself to a staycation at a fancy hotel, pamper yourself. So much about Father’s Day can be a sensory overload - places, sounds, smells that trigger memories, and all those social media posts of happy family celebrations. If you are simply not ready to face Father’s Day, escaping somewhere new can help.

 

Your first Father’s Day without your dad will not be easy. But it can feel empowering and then hopeful when you are able to navigate the day. We hope these suggestions help you find what peace and comfort you can. If you also lost your mom, then you may find our blog How To Survive Mother’s Day insightful. Remember that grief is a personal journey; allow yourself to travel at your own pace.


August 28, 2025
How can we increase the level of cooperation we get from a loved one coping with dementia? A loved one with dementia may resist simple routines that we, as caregivers, need for them to complete so they can maintain proper hygiene or enable us to run a household. It may be a simple task, like taking a shower or getting dressed - or brushing their teeth before they go to bed. A good way to start is to recognize that we are about to face a challenge . Like any challenge we face, it’s best to get ready before we begin. Be prepared! Gather everything that will be needed to complete the task and arrange those things in the order that they’ll be needed. Be sure to have everything at hand that will be needed when the task is completed. For instance, are we brushing our teeth in the morning? Have the bathing set up as the next task or be ready to dress and go to the dining table. Have patience, remember that this will take longer than normal. Budgeting more time will reduce your own stress, and that is key in reducing theirs. Remember, they are cognitively disabled . It’s frequently not that they’re resisting your instructions, it’s simply that they are having difficulty processing them - it will take them longer to understand and cooperate than normal. One of our biggest goals is to avoid making them feel pressured, rushed or agitated . Maintaining this level of structure will be comforting to your loved one and will decrease confusion and stress. It will also reduce distractions that might be inadvertently introduced by being less than organized. We may be doing something simple, but it’s no longer simple to a loved one suffering from dementia. Have you ever assembled a piece of furniture from IKEA? Keep that in mind – you needed step by step instructions. Did they always make sense as you progressed? Nope. Did you ever get frustrated? You bet. This is the same thing. Give them simple steps, one step at a time . Think from a new perspective. “Let’s go brush our teeth,” doesn’t really lead them to beginning or completion. How about: 1 - let’s go to the bathroom 2 - can you stand in front of the sink? 3 - let’s rinse your toothbrush - we need to make sure it’s clean! 4 - perhaps try doing your own side by side as an example 5 - can you open the toothpaste now? 6 - squeeze a line of toothpaste onto your brush, like this, see? 7 - now, put the toothbrush into your mouth, brush like I’m doing 8 - top now - left side, center, now on the right - inside, like this 9 - bottom now - left side, center, now on the right - inside, like this 10 - now, we’re almost done. Take your brush and rinse it 11 - put the brush back into the holder 12 - put some water in the cup 13 - now just rinse your mouth 14 - spit the water back into the sink Try to let them do as much on their own as possible. It will build confidence and reduce their stress, step in and help as needed. You’ll see for yourself how deeply you need to break down tasks and learn from their responses when to help, praise or comfort. Try not to take over and do steps for them when they may be able to complete the step themselves. If they are able, that may convey impatience. We’re trying to encourage a sense of competency and autonomy - even if a step is not taken perfectly. To learn more about dementia and Alzheimer’s disease follow these links. 1 - https://www.ascendhealth.com/coping-with-alzheimers-anxiety-and-depression 2 - https://www.ascendhealth.com/alzheimers-caregiving-7-signs-its-time-for-extra-support 3 - creating dementia-friendly documents https://bit.ly/3H9g6WD Our teams offer specialized care for those living with end-stage dementia and Alzheimer’s. Our supportive team focuses on improving quality of life and easing the distressing burdens of Alzheimer’s and related dementias. Learn more about how we can help bring comfort and support by reaching out to a member of our compassionate team.
June 30, 2025
A few months ago, beloved actor Gene Hackman and his wife, Betsy Arakawa, were found deceased in their New Mexico home. Investigators believe Arakawa passed away first—possibly up to a week before Hackman. Shortly before her death, she had reached out to a local clinic . Later, Hackman’s pacemaker data helped confirm the timeline of his own passing. The medical examiner determined that Arakawa died from hantavirus pulmonary syndrome , a rare and dangerous respiratory illness transmitted by rodents. Hackman died from advanced heart disease , with Alzheimer’s disease contributing to his decline. Experts suggest that his cognitive impairment likely prevented him from recognizing Arakawa’s death—or, if he did realize it, he may have experienced confusion, heartbreak, and helplessness before ultimately passing away himself. We may consider Gene Hackman’s last role to be his final lesson, a wake-up call for caregivers and families. It’s a profoundly tragic story—one that reflects a reality many families quietly face. As our loved ones age, especially when one becomes the caregiver, a sudden health crisis can leave the other stranded in a dangerous situation. What Can We Learn? This heartbreaking story offers more than grief—it offers perspective. It’s a reminder to be proactive, observant, and involved in the lives of aging loved ones. Here’s ways we can help. 1. Know the Conditions Affecting Your Loved Ones In Hackman’s case, the central health challenges were heart disease and Alzheimer’s. Recognizing the signs of heart trouble—chest pain, fatigue, breathlessness—and understanding how dementia can mask or confuse those symptoms is critical. 2. Caregivers Need Care Too When the caregiver goes down, the one who relies on them is suddenly exposed. Arakawa’s sudden illness likely left Hackman alone, disoriented, and unable to seek help. Caregivers often suffer in silence, pushing past their limits. Regular check-ins and support for them are just as essential. 3. A Simple Visit Can Save a Life A timely visit from a friend or relative might have changed the outcome. Subtle signs—rodent activity, spoiled food, confusion, hygiene issues—could have triggered help before it was too late. Don’t underestimate the power of simply showing up. What to Watch For: A Family Checklist If you have aging parents, relatives, or friends, here are some key areas to keep an eye on: Physical Health • Sudden weight loss or gain • Bruises, burns, or signs of falls • Unkempt appearance or body odor • Difficulty walking or standing Cognitive & Emotional Well-being • Memory loss or repeating questions • Depression, anxiety, or social withdrawal • Unsafe behavior such as leaving appliances on • Unusual mail or phone activity Home Conditions • Spoiled food, pest presence, or clutter • Safety hazards (dim lighting, loose rugs) • Appliances or plumbing not working Nutrition & Kitchen Safety • Expired food or low food supply • Dirty or neglected kitchen tools • Avoiding cooking altogether Medication Compliance • Confused about medications or missed doses • Expired or improperly labeled prescriptions Social Interaction • Isolation or reluctance to leave the house • Loss of interest in hobbies or community involvement Financial Awareness • Unpaid bills or unopened mail • Signs of financial exploitation or scams Tech & Communication • Can they use a phone in an emergency? • Are they responsive to calls or messages? What To Do If You Notice a Problem If you see red flags, don’t panic—but don’t ignore them either. Start with an honest, caring conversation. Explain that your concern comes from love, not judgment. Then, consider next steps: • Schedule a check-up with their doctor • Bring in help, even part-time support • Assess whether the home needs modifications • Explore new living arrangements if necessary Whether it’s weekly dinners, video chats, or simple texts—stay involved–consistent contact keeps you in tune with your loved ones’ needs and builds a safety net they may not even know they need. Final Thought If Gene Hackman’s last role is to serve as a final lesson, it’s a wake-up call for caregivers and families. Gene Hackman’s final days are a sobering reminder: Don’t wait until something goes wrong. Aging can be beautiful—but it also comes with risk, especially in solitude. Let this story motivate you to reconnect, check in, and truly see how your loved ones are doing. Additional Resources: Learn more about Congestive Heart Failure: https://www.ascendhealth.com/caring-for-a-loved-one-with-chf-this-summer https://www.ascendhealth.com/caring-for-a-loved-one-with-chf Learn more about dementia and Alzheimer’s disease: https://www.ascendhealth.com/alzheimers-caregiving-7-signs-its-time-for-extra-support https://www.ascendhealth.com/coping-with-alzheimers-anxiety-and-depression Need a health or safety assessment for a loved one? Contact Us or call today.